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What rights do I have over my child in Holland?

peony
- 790 posts
January 9, 2012 12:14:03 PM CET

I think there are several things to take into account (and i might be wrong on them, so if anyone is more sure, correct me). First, if you don't get married or sign a partnership contract he will have no rights over the child - unless you recognize him as a father on birth certificate in which case he has parental rights.
If you do sign a contract/get married he is a father and in the case of two of you splitting up/divorcing he could contest the custody - I have no idea how divorce goes here and what are the criteria to decide who gets custody of children.
As for nationality - since the father is Dutch he/she would get dutch nationality, and I am not sure did they stop dual nationality already or can your child still get british nationality from your side.
lozzietwig
- 9 posts
January 10, 2012 1:47:49 PM CET

I was told yesterday to put the baby in my name, I take it to be safe this would be recommended? Thank you for your reply xx
saoirse
- 91 posts
January 10, 2012 2:22:00 PM CET

I'm not sure about now but 4 years ago when I gave birth to my daughter she was automatically given my nationality because myself and my dutch partner were not married and I was in the middle of a divorce.Two years ago I gave birth to another daughter and she received dual nationality.If the father's name is not on the birth cert then I presume the baby would not have dutch nationality.
peony
- 790 posts
January 11, 2012 12:13:15 PM CET

It makes no difference what last name the baby gets as the name goes, but the only way it can get your boyfriends name is if you RECOGNIZE him as a father (i gather that you won't be signing partnership or getting married so you as a mother will have the right to say the fathers name), thus giving him parental rights. You need to check if dual nationality is possible at all any more, there was talk that they stopped it - in which case if you recognize the father the baby would perhaps only get dutch nationality?

This is a delicate situation you have (and it sounds like you are unsure)- if you are really commiting to this guy, and if he wants to be the father it will be very difficult to refuse to put his name on the birth certificate or give his name to the baby and expect to stay in normal relationship with him - you will need to decide how much you trust him. Maybe this whole issue would be easier if you just stayed in Spain with your family for the birth and moved to the Netherlands when baby comes - but either way you need to decide do you want to try and make a family with him or not. I think that the only way to be sure that he never gets the baby is if you split up and have no father listed on the birth certificate. Almost every other situation gives him some rights as a father, and in my opinion rightfully - you can't expect a parent (be it mother or a father) to have no rights over their own child if family situation was normal (if there is no abuse or similar going on) and then was followed by divorce/split. The thing you should decide - do you want a family with this guy or not? both ways have pros and cons.
lozzietwig
- 9 posts
January 11, 2012 2:33:23 PM CET

Hi Peony, my dad is the one making me unsure with his "worst case scenario" advice..which, I understand fully and it has got me thinking.
The thing is me and my boyfriend plan on being together for as long as possible..there is no abuse, no problems between us what so ever..it´s an almost perfect relationship, I trust him fully...maybe I should talk to him about it and see if we can come up with some sort of agreement?
I did think of coming back here to have the baby, it´s due in July but I don´t know..I don´t know how he would react if I asked him to not have his name on the certificate..and I don´t like that thought either..do you know of a good family lawyer that I can contact? sorry to be a bother
peony
- 790 posts
January 12, 2012 1:14:40 PM CET

I am all for checking facts in advance, but I think you are overdoing it. The bottom line is - you need to talk to your boyfriend about not putting his name on the birth certificate and refusing him parental rights and see what he thinks about it - for me it sounds extreme. I have an idea what he will say, but either way, if you are planning to do anything along those lines you will not be able to hide it from him. I think you should decide what you want and then do it, but to be blunt it sounds to me like you don't trust him, so the question is why would you move to his country where you will be completely dependant on him for many things?
By all means, contact a lawyer so you have broader picture of family law, I don't know any though. There are some on this site, maybe you can contact them in "ask the expert" section.
lozzietwig
- 9 posts
January 26, 2012 2:49:43 PM CET

I think you may be right Peony, I think I am just panicking and being extreme..I trust my boyfriend fully, it was just a little thought I had as I have never been in a situation like that and I hope it never happens too xx
halfdutch
- 94 posts
February 5, 2012 2:42:59 AM CET

If I were your boyfriend I would become quite alarmed at hearing you propose that I not share in the parental rights over our child. I would assume that you are planning something.

However, it really is under your control, as you have to approve the recognition form that gets signed at the gemeente. If you don't do that, and you're not married or in a registered partnership, I don't think he has any power to override your decision at that point. At least that's how the official explained it to me when my girlfriend wanted to stay home and let me do the paperwork alone since she was very exhausted in the late stages of pregnancy.

If you are sharing parental authority, that doesn't give him the right to take the child away from you and move to Colombia without your permission, for example. What in particular are you worried about?
zelphiakat
- 69 posts
February 5, 2012 5:01:33 PM CET

I would recommend if you are due in July, to stay where you are for right now. You can investigate the rights there. Plus it may be a difficult transition to move here to NL towards the end of your pregnancy. But I do agree you need to discuss with your partner issues about parental rights and what would happen if you broke up.
xandria
- 5 posts
March 14, 2012 6:26:50 PM CET

I know I'm a little late but I went through some of this back in the end of 2010. Basically you can recognize the father of the baby and have his name on the birth certificate (even with his last name) and this does not give him rights as a parent. The mother (when not in a marriage or registered partnership) gains automatic rights of the child. It is only through signing papers for the court that the father can also gain rights. It's called "gezag" in Dutch which means authority. If you can read dutch you can read about it here: http://www.rijksoverheid.nl/onderwerpen/aangifte-geboorte-erkenning-en-gezag/vraag-en-antwoord/wanneer-krijg-ik-automatisch-gezag-over-een-kind.html
peony
- 790 posts
March 15, 2012 10:08:43 AM CET

Where did the first OP's post go?