anymore. slayergrl99 (Jul 23 2008, 09:00 AM) said: > original post
I am sure this is the wrong forum for this, but the other "rant" forum seemed to be mostly about politics and they were bashing each other, I didn't want to get involved in that.
I've been in Belgium since July 11th, and I am officially beginning to go crazy it has not even been two weeks yet.
My husband works in Namur and we live in a small village outside of town. Because of the size and locale of the village, no one speaks English here and my french is poor, to say the least. A fireman came to the door the other day trying to explain something and I was able to hack enough French together to say that my husband would be home at 5:30 and to come back then.
My husband's brother is getting married and chose two weeks before our Belgian ceremony to do his (they'd been engaged for 6years...we've been engaged 9 months) when we'd already picked out a date, and I feel constantly barraged that everything I say (when I open my mouth, I get looks...) or do (apparently I hold my fork and knife wrong), or wear (tennis shoes? when you're not running? Are you crazy?) feels like it is being picked apart. And to top it all off, I pretty much have my husband to speak to and no one else because...I don't speak French yet!
I don't start work until August 25th, so i have 4 more weeks of being stuck in this situation and I've reached a point where I don't feel like I can actually live here. And my husband so badly wants me to be happy here and I think he's contemplating quitting his job and moving back to the states, and I don't want that. One, the immigration issues would be monumental, plus... worse health care, worse finances...etc.
*sighs* Sorry to vent, I just am so overwhelmed and I am hoping someone here can relate and tell me that it'll all be OK and that eventually I won't be crazy
- - Gabrielle
) When I frist came to Belgium 3 months ago I was also the odd duck out. No one except one neighbour spoke a bit of English. Just Dutch. WE have had to deal with me only speaking German to the neighbours and shop keepers luckily the langauges are similar. 
I know you feel horribly isolated in the house. I know this feeling all too well. No one to chat with,no one to have a soda with, no one to laugh at our silly American humor..feel empty. Do not let it get you down. The Belgian board is not as active as say the Holland one however there is a few of us that hang about. That being said...if you like I can give you a ton of groups in your area that you could go to have a meet up. Drop me a PM if you like to know more or even to have a friend to chat with. I will assume iyou are in the Walloon side or close to Brussels perhaps? If so there are HUGE groups near you. 
Alaina1514 said:
Gabrielle, My name is Alaina. I'm from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and have been in Temse, Belgium since November, with a 3 week trip home when my travel visa ran out. I've been back in Belgium since my trip home, which was during Christmas, for about 3 weeks. My boyfriend works all day and is gone for normally 11 hours. I stay in our apartment every single day while he's at work. I have no way of getting places here, no places I even know of to go anyway, no understanding of this language yet, and no one to talk all day, every day. He also has a 4 year old son who stays with us every other week. His son speaks no English, which has proved to be a HUGE challenge but one that is slowly getting better. I have been sitting here every day thinking that there was no one else is this situation and now seeing this, it helps my own sanity knowing that at least there are other people feeling this way. I see that this is an old post, so I don't know if any of you still check this. Regardless, it helps to know others have survived this.
Listen Girl,
I spent a lot of time in that very town you are in, that very nothing town...my boyfriend was embarrased to speak english to me while in the bakery because it was too "high class" to be able to speak english in public. I just cannot believe that in Holland English is so wide spread. Mastrrick (sp) I have a friend living there, just over the border, and everybody speaks English. Plus the problem is that in all those villages, St Nicklas, Temse, they all speak a different dialect. Impossible to learn unless you are a language natural. I was always out of the conversation at any party. Then if they could speak english, they wud try to , but they struggled with it so much, I could see I was taking their fun away from their party. It was AWFUL. I never understood anything, just smiled so much my mouth hurt. I guess you are having a terrible time now with hte terrible weather, well, get used to it, cause it is not hte good weather capital of hte world by any means. My Belgian ended up cheating on me big time with a local and I ended it. I am happier not being in Belgium, back to america and Target!!!! Of course the cheating thing was terrible, and all his fault. I do believe he used the language barrier to his advantage. Do not think it is just you thinking all these negative thoughts about Belgium and its provincial nature. they basically are jealous of Americans and what we have in our country, when they are basically very socialist minded, and do not have access to the type of, and variety of goods, we have been raised with. I mean, come on, you have to put money down in order to get a grocery cart to use in the store!!?? Archaic as ****.
Of course I do have a few good memories, but would never trade USA for Belgium and I am very well traveled... GOOD LUCK to you, Brave..
starlightning2006 said:
hey Gabrielle my name is erica and i am going through a little bit what you are. whenever i go over to my inlaws and they ask us like if we want to eat there we always have to do the dishes cause my husbands sister commands us to and i get **** off cause you don't ask guest to do that. if you ever want to talk i am always on msn and my name on there is starlightning2006@hotmail.com. and really what will help me out is i am going to learn dutch with the free classes you might try and see about learning dutch then if you get **** you can defend yourself if your in laws are talking about you that is one reason why i am doing this also. i live in merelbeke but i don't know where you are at i am going to look up where in belgium. i get mad being here at times when my in laws just want to talk dutch not english cause they know i don't know dutch yet. well talk to you later.
americanmamainbe said:
Hello, my name is Heather. I am fresh off the plane, I just arrived last week. We live in the Dutch speaking part of the country, and like you, I need to learn the language before I can communicate with anyone but my husband and the occasional English speaker I encounter. Oh, I am also seven and a half months pregnant with my first child, so that adds a whole slew of extra problems and concerns I am am trying to cope with.
I wish I could tell you it will all be alright, but I need to convince myself of that first! All I can say is that you are not alone!
Brave said:
YOu are so right about that dishwashing thing. I have seen parties RUINED b/c somebody got very insulted b/C they thought somebody did not do their part in the clean up or the setting out the food. ridiculous. There is a hugh village mentality in belgium, which is realy just a big collection of villages. It's best for hte Belgians to be with other Belgians, b/c they all understand this small mindedness. My potential father in law spoke a little english, very little, and his daughter in law would correct him, which he hated. He always hated it and told his son, my fiance. Then when I tried to speak Dutch, HE corrected me! couldnt believe it. I do not mind being corrected, but from that source who was so sensitive to it.....anyway. I have broken up with my Belgian, he ended up cheating on me with a local girl...in the end it all turns out better. But I did learn a great deal about a very nothing country....The north hates the south, but they do not want to separate, but continue to complain about about eachother. Crazy....
Well ... as a Belgian native born in the "middle part" (Brussels) , who lived in the "north part" (Small town) for 10+ years and now living in the "south part" (Village) for almost 10 years. I must say I have never ever been invited to any party where the guest were expected to "participate" in "setting up" or "cleaning up". If you're "invited" , you're "invited" and the burden should be on the host like in most part of the worlds. Asking the guest to work seems rude to me. :) Now if it's a "get together party" like some BBQ where everyone is expected to bring something to eat to make some gigantic Buffet , I would expect people to particpate in the "setup" but that's it. And it's specified in advance.
But really , some families are very very very very weird in Belgium ... But I don't think it's a whole country thing.
And when I say weird , there is some recent Belgian movie illustrating that perfectly (for the flemish side) and maybe you were in that kind of weird family :) Have a look at this movie if you want :) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Misfortunates
As for the North Hates the south thing. Well ... As a middle Belgian native from a pure Flemish family and now living in French part , I would rather say that: The North hates the South but the South actually does not hate the North but rather doesn't give a f*** about the North.
Fact is there is a HUGE cultural difference between the Latin part and the Germanic part of the country like there is a HUGE cultural difference between France and Germany. Except it's in the same country.
Note that I don't say Netherlands but Germany because while the Flemish share the language (more or less) with the Netherlands , I strongly believe the Flemish of Belgium are closer (in mentality) to Germany than to the Netherlands.
Had the Romans been a bit lower or higher 2000 years ago, it wouldn't be so complicated now :)
Brave said:
starlightning2006 said:
hey Gabrielle my name is erica and i am going through a little bit what you are. whenever i go over to my inlaws and they ask us like if we want to eat there we always have to do the dishes cause my husbands sister commands us to and i get **** off cause you don't ask guest to do that. if you ever want to talk i am always on msn and my name on there is starlightning2006@hotmail.com. and really what will help me out is i am going to learn dutch with the free classes you might try and see about learning dutch then if you get **** you can defend yourself if your in laws are talking about you that is one reason why i am doing this also. i live in merelbeke but i don't know where you are at i am going to look up where in belgium. i get mad being here at times when my in laws just want to talk dutch not english cause they know i don't know dutch yet. well talk to you later.
I replied to the other poster but you should read my response. As a Belgian, I can tell you you are perfectly RIGHT about that dish thing :) Guests are not expected to participate in dishwashing !!!!! I've never seen that anywhere in Belgium.
slayergrl99 said:
I am sure this is the wrong forum for this, but the other "rant" forum seemed to be mostly about politics and they were bashing each other, I didn't want to get involved in that.
I've been in Belgium since July 11th, and I am officially beginning to go crazy it has not even been two weeks yet.
My husband works in Namur and we live in a small village outside of town. Because of the size and locale of the village, no one speaks English here and my french is poor, to say the least. A fireman came to the door the other day trying to explain something and I was able to hack enough French together to say that my husband would be home at 5:30 and to come back then.
My husband's brother is getting married and chose two weeks before our Belgian ceremony to do his (they'd been engaged for 6years...we've been engaged 9 months) when we'd already picked out a date, and I feel constantly barraged that everything I say (when I open my mouth, I get looks...) or do (apparently I hold my fork and knife wrong), or wear (tennis shoes? when you're not running? Are you crazy?) feels like it is being picked apart. And to top it all off, I pretty much have my husband to speak to and no one else because...I don't speak French yet!
I don't start work until August 25th, so i have 4 more weeks of being stuck in this situation and I've reached a point where I don't feel like I can actually live here. And my husband so badly wants me to be happy here and I think he's contemplating quitting his job and moving back to the states, and I don't want that. One, the immigration issues would be monumental, plus... worse health care, worse finances...etc.
*sighs* Sorry to vent, I just am so overwhelmed and I am hoping someone here can relate and tell me that it'll all be OK and that eventually I won't be crazy
- - Gabrielle
There should be some kind of minister of cultural interrelations that over see's these kind of complaints as I am in Holland and your echoeing the same thing to me and I am sure alot of women feel of hollow and isolating, Hey I was just in that area, Namur is full of relics of WW2 American Heros. Wow, their spirit is everywhere, I was in Stavelot last sunday and saw the ww2 memorial and also in Malmedy the Battle of the Bulge Museum, god bless the souls of those poor guys who died for Europe. The skunks in Belgium never seem to think of how their freedom got to be. much love from Denise. I would tell you there is a website that a bunch of expats get together on Meetup but alot of them are very conservative and try very very hard to be dutch when they are american and they are also very stingy people in a way they expect you to do all the giving since they are offering you their friendship with english attached to it. I find people behave desperate when they are here in europe. Don't be like them!
