Expatica Community | The Expat Social Network - Sir, your child is an idiot!

Forums » Netherlands » Family life in the Netherlands

Back To Topics

Sir, your child is an idiot!

umuro
December 5, 2006 4:58:41 PM CET

I have a perfectly normal child who can speak and communicate at home. A year ago, at age 4, he started a Dutch school here in Hillegersberg. He has been refusing to respond to anything that's said at school. Not only Dutch... Of course, they tried to talking to him using his mother language. And they failed. He is just smiling and playing around as if no one else exists.

The school director finally said, "Sorry, but we have to accept your child to be an idiot and he should be sent to a special school. We are not able to do anything. If there is anything to be done it is your responsibility".

My son is trying to cope with the school totally ignoring it and the people there. And at home, he is a normal kid. And he is about to be classified as an idiot.

What would you do?

(PS. Why a Dutch school instead of British or Amercan? Simple. I cannot afford it)
billiethekid
December 5, 2006 7:15:14 PM CET

I cannot believe the head teacher called your son an idiot! Did he say it in English or in Dutch? maybe if he was using English he actually meant in less strongly and couldnt find the right word.
Has your son said why he doesnt like it at school? Maybe changing to a school where the teacher are more understanding would help, or would that just make him more worried, having to get used to a new environment again.

You say he's smiling and playing, it doesn't sound as if he's unhappy. Is he the kind of child who would just be like that on purpose to just me miscievous (sp.?)? But then he would do that for a whole year. I think you best bet is talking to your son and his class teacher about this. Or arranging a playdate with one of the other kids / joining some kind of club where he can meet some other Dutch kids than the ones in his class, maybe he just doesnt like them or something.
I hope you manage to sort it out
planetearth
December 5, 2006 9:56:57 PM CET

Obviously this was out of order and the school are not exactly going out of their way to find a workable solution.

If an English language school is not an option as you say, I would try another
Dutch school and if necessary get him evaluated by a native English speaking educational psychologist. Sounds like you need some ammo to use against the Dutch system anyway.
clo
December 6, 2006 1:50:55 PM CET

I don't know where you live but the AICS school in Amsterdam is a third of the price of the other schools. It might be worth considering.
tareshen
December 7, 2006 7:29:59 PM CET

I have a number of questions.

1.) Why was this allowed to continue for a year with no intervention from you? I could see a few weeks adjustment period but longer than that, a visit with a doctor of some kind is in order.

2.) How many times have you had a conference with the teachers and administrator regarding this? What did they suggest as a course of action?

3.) Why have you not filed a complaint with the "stichting" for your area? This info is provided in the school guide that you receive at the beginning of every year.

I'm in no way saying the school was correct, but something is just not fitting together. Allowing this to continue for this long is just not logical.
dutchhelp
December 15, 2006 1:27:36 PM CET

(umuro)
I have a perfectly normal child who can speak and communicate at home. A year ago, at age 4, he started a Dutch school here in Hillegersberg. He has been refusing to respond to anything that's said at school. Not only Dutch... Of course, they tried to talking to him using his mother language. And they failed. He is just smiling and playing around as if no one else exists.

The school director finally said, "Sorry, but we have to accept your child to be an idiot and he should be sent to a special school. We are not able to do anything. If there is anything to be done it is your responsibility".

My son is trying to cope with the school totally ignoring it and the people there. And at home, he is a normal kid. And he is about to be classified as an idiot.

What would you do?

(PS. Why a Dutch school instead of British or Amercan? Simple. I cannot afford it)

My response: It must be hereditary, we were the IDIOTS that sent him to your school.

Second response: Sir, it takes an older much wiser adult Idiot, to acknowledge an Idiot at age 4, I congratulate you on your insight.

Third response: No, he is not an Idiot, he is just naturally inburgered into the dutch society.

Fourth response: You have a good point, and you comb your hair around it very nicely.

Fifth response: See what happens when we let him watch late night parliment debates!

Sixth response: What do you expect, Rita's his hero!

Seventh response: I knew it was an idiot school and you have suceeded in an extraordinarily short period of time with my child.

Eight Response: Special school? Aren't you special or just below average?

Ninth response: We tried a Special school, Oxford already had thier fair share.

Tenth response: Our child is in a special school filled with love and caring, this is called our Home, and it is horrific to think we need to place him in your incompetent hands a few hours each day.
clickit
December 15, 2006 4:50:12 PM CET

I recently saw a tv programme dealing with childrens behaviour 'problems', and one of the kids had a condition they called 'selective mutism'. This child was a perfectly normal kid at home, but in public was no able to speak to anyone. It was not being willful or stubborn or rude, he just had this condition in which basically he was uncomfortable hearing his own voice when other people were around. They treated him first by finding out what his 'rules' were and when he could and couldnt communicate. Maybe it is worth following this up, since after a year at school, at his age, he should be showing some signs of being able to at least answer when spoken to at school.

My questions are:

does he speak in any other social or public situations? Is it only at school that he cant communicate well?

Does he show any signs at school of understanding - does he follow or respond to instructions?

I think this is a serious problem and needs to be assessed as soon as possible. If you dont trust the school (and honestly anyone that is 'brutaal' enough to name anyone an 'idiot' - well I wouldnt trust them either) you need to take him to a professional who can make this assessment with you. The school should have referred you to someone who can help with this, if they didnt you should see if your GP will give you a referal or maybe someone else can suggest an agency that can help - certainly you could call 'Access' in the Hague for suggestions for english speaking support professionals.

Maybe he is a perfectly normal child who just doesnt care to communicate at school, but quite honestly, that is not normal behaviour in that age group, not if it persists over such a long period of time. My daughter is also quiet at school, and she didnt speak 'much' in her first year at school here as a 7 year old, because she was learning the language and listening hard - she did respond verbally to questions however, and clearly understood and responded to instructions. Once she felt herself confident enough in the language she started participating more in discussions and always responded when spoken to. I think if a child is complely ignoring all attempts to communicate with him at this age, then as parents, its your responsibility to find out why = even when he is behaving perfectly normally with you - if this continues its going to be a big problem for him as he gets older.

I wish you luck. Maybe you can let us know what happens for your son, it could help other parents either to identify a problem or to find the right help in the Netherlands when clearly the school isnt helping as they should.
mehari
December 18, 2006 11:20:14 PM CET

Umuro,

Our 6 year old son (Bilingual) has had since group 1 (4 year olds) been under "surveilance" by his teachers. Being upto this school age at childminders, he too had what teachers called problems with blending in once it's in time to sit in "de kring" to have stories read, etc. He just wanted to play with lego, cars,etc. From day 1, I kept telling these teachers that he's just 4 or 5 and to my knowledge he saw school as just another place he could play when Mummy & Daddy were working. (Modern society, I suppose?) School for him was just a place where there happens to be lots of other children with a "minder" (teacher), so refused to be led like a sheep and did his own thing in the class. Our school did everything possible and even a "child Phsych" sat in the class monitoring our son as well as others. His opinion was that there were other children in the class that these teachers should concentrate on! Crunch came just last year if he was ready for group 3 (He still did not show signs of joining in with the group / drawing writing, etc). He was allowed to go in to group 3 this September with thought that if no improvement (concentration span) was showing, he might have to go back to group 2. Since Sept, there has been up's/downs, but now he's reading & writing. We encourage him at home with this. He somehow claimed our Thesaurus dictonary (Not that he can read this, but to him another world has opened up!) Every child is different when it comes to academic develpment (Einstein was told by his teacher, he would not come to anything!) It's just a little button your child needs to turn on by himself, but suggest to GET HIM INTO ANOTHER NORMAL SCHOOL where they do have some understanding on child development.
Take your time to visit these and ask mention what kind of support they offer, should a child not perform "normal"
Also note " Recent study claims that children brough up in a bilingual environment are / potential to be academically above the norm" - So nurture this.

Now who's nuts ? - Success in choosing your childs new school !
daisymay
December 29, 2006 7:55:39 PM CET

Unbelieveable!! I have a case where a doctor phoned one of my clients who has a child with autism to ask how their child's "disease" was doing!!!!

I would also recommend the ARICS school

Let us know about further developments and if you did anything about the comment made by the head teacher....
pakora
January 6, 2007 4:35:47 PM CET

(umuro)
I have a perfectly normal child who can speak and communicate at home. A year ago, at age 4, he started a Dutch school here in Hillegersberg. He has been refusing to respond to anything that's said at school. Not only Dutch... Of course, they tried to talking to him using his mother language. And they failed. He is just smiling and playing around as if no one else exists.

The school director finally said, "Sorry, but we have to accept your child to be an idiot and he should be sent to a special school. We are not able to do anything. If there is anything to be done it is your responsibility".

My son is trying to cope with the school totally ignoring it and the people there. And at home, he is a normal kid. And he is about to be classified as an idiot.

What would you do?

(PS. Why a Dutch school instead of British or Amercan? Simple. I cannot afford it)

Maybe Ronetta Cohen, a psychologist who treats children and adolescents with educational, behavioural and emotional problems might be able to help you. She's fluent in both English and Dutch (she's British) and is willing to commute to her clients' homes.

www.educationalrescue.nl

* I came across Ronetta Cohen's weblink on the Coolabah (Aussies in NL) website.

Good luck.
doormat
January 30, 2007 6:00:26 PM CET

I've got 2 daughters, 9&10 (English but able to speak dutch for as long as they have been talking) They have been singled out as different and they too are considered not to be as intelligent as the other children in their school. Now my son attends a different school and in less than a week the same thing happens again. He won't sit in the "kring" and sing, (probably conditioning for the circle party later) and the teacher can't cope so I have to pick him up early and now I can only bring him in for 2.5 hours per week for 3 months! Like I don't have a life away from the kids!

The school class sizes are enormous, the smallest class attended by any of my kids, contained 31 children. My son' teacher admitted that she can't watch all of the children all of the time (that's a lot of unsupervised 4 year olds) and she has 33 in her class. It's shocking that the headmaster called your son an idiot, how unbelievable crass. I would call into question the standard of training this man has recieved and file a complaint to the education authority. There is a website you can do this if you feel that the education system is failing him, though I will have to get the link later.

PS Be prepared for a bumpy ride concerning the schools here.