quest (Nov 9 2010, 07:41 PM) said: > original post
I am getting very tired of the Dutch invitation and guest etiquette here, and wonder if anyone else has had similar problems. We live in a somewhat rural area, and I’m really shocked by the behaviour of guests to our home over the years.
We entertain quite frequently, and have a fairly open house, but I feel that people push things way too far, way too often, and never seem to get it, no matter how hard I hit them over the head about it.
I have been very firm for many years and told people that if they don’t like the invitation offered, they should not come. Even this does not seem to work!
Here are some examples that seem to keep on happening:
- Guests invited for dinner (in writing) at 19:00 and they show up an hour early when I have nothing ready.
- Guests invited at 16:00 and they insist that they must come 2-3 hours earlier.
- Guests invited for dinner and told if they want to bring something, only beer or wine are welcome (in writing) and they bring a lot of food that does not fit the meal and needs to be prepared and served.
- Guests invited for Saturday/Sunday and they insist on coming on Friday and staying through Monday
- Needing to repeatedly tell the same people to always call before coming over, and they never listen and show up at the door, even when I put up a sign on the door saying “no visitors without an appointment”.
- When asking people to please leave at the pre-announced time, and they won’t and I have to physically push people out the door.
- Not respecting “no smoking” rules, that only applied to one room in the house, and putting out cigarettes on the floor, in plants and even on the table.
- Stating “adult only party / no children” and they still bring their kids.
quest (Nov 9 2010, 07:41 PM) said: > original post
- Guests invited for dinner and told if they want to bring something, only beer or wine are welcome (in writing)
pepec (Nov 10 2010, 12:22 AM) said: > original post
Telling your guests what to bring is not what I consider proper etiquette.
pepec (Nov 10 2010, 12:43 PM) said: > original post
No it isn't. This is what quest wrote:
"if they want to bring something, only beer or wine are welcome (in writing)"
Telling your guests what to bring with them is a breach of good manners.
quest (Nov 9 2010, 07:41 PM) said: > original post
putting out cigarettes on the floor, in plants and even on the table.
osita (Nov 10 2010, 01:14 PM) said: > original post
And that I think goes beyond any breach of good manners - ever, anywhere! Am I naive to be shocked that people DO that?
melintir (Nov 10 2010, 11:35 AM) said: > original post
i've never had these kind of problems, in fact i think the Dutch people are a bit too stiff when it comes to guest etiquette, i mean, it's social interaction not professional one, so I think we need to be a bit more relax about it.
I myself don't like to get the feeling like i'm going to school when visiting friends where everything is scheduled, which books to bring and when it's over the bell will ring to let me know it's time to leave.
but I agree with you about the smoking, it is asocial to do that in someone's house the way you describe it, and i think you should warn them immediately otherwise do not invite them ever again
pepec (Nov 10 2010, 01:43 PM) said: > original post
No it isn't. This is what quest wrote:
"if they want to bring something, only beer or wine are welcome (in writing)"
Telling your guests what to bring with them is a breach of good manners.
quest (Nov 10 2010, 02:24 PM) said: > original post
I also think the dutch are stiff,
illuminatus (Nov 10 2010, 02:12 PM) said: > original post
yes, very stiff & rigid!
!!!! This does not sound like Dutch behavior at all!! I don't know are you taking a piss with this post or did you manage to tap into some weird folks out there. On the bright side, you do manage to entertain and obviously you do a great job if they all keep on coming back. quest (Nov 10 2010, 02:08 PM) said: > original post
I have a "chilli avond" most years and it is mostly for expats who miss good chilli, but I invite dutch people too. It is usually 20+ people and I make a few types, spicny, bland, vegetarian, etc. I don't have the stove, oven, or serving space to have more food than I already serve. Even if I did, I would not want to mix typical dutch food with the menu. It is usually the same core group of neighbours who come, and they know the score. I telll them on the invitation that they do not need to bring anything, but if they really want to, only beer or wine, which I usually explain why to them also. I tried to do this only verbally for a few years, but it never worked. Even on a written invitation some still ignore it. One year it was a huge fish that I had to de-bone and cook in the middle of doing everything else. Even if you or others think it is a breach of good manners to let them know what to bring if they feel they must, I think it is a bigger breach to ignore my clearly stated wishes.
quest (Nov 10 2010, 02:24 PM) said: > original post
I also think the dutch are stiff, and we try to have a fairly open house and be informal. I just feel like it gets taken advantage of, probably because they are not use to it. We've had get-togethers, some planned, other spontaneous, where I have let them know I have to work or have a flight the next day and that we need to end by, for example midnight. Often people have been at our house all afternoon/evening and we have given them food, drinks, etc. When we say we want to go to bed, they do not get the hint. We are forced to say things like "the party is over, please go home" and some still will not leave. I'm talking about middle-aged adults, and not children. I should not need to physically walk someone to the door, open it, and push them out.
mjbjosh (Mar 6 2011, 11:18 PM) said: > original post
Thankfully I don't know you. Because you seem to be lacking in the hospitality/good upbringing department more than your guests do. And no, I will not be your guest.
